i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
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