I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
Randomize
