I CAN MOONWALK!
yay america 4th of july drinking game. take a drink every time you hear or see a firework, finish your drink for a mention of mj or the gosselins, a shot for the words democracy,hope, freedom, terrorism
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
Randomize
