booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
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