$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
Randomize
