i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
Randomize
