Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
She's hot, in a Megan Fox with Down's Syndrome kinda way. Like, she'd win Miss Deliverance Pageant
At least she's the hottest one. Oh well, it's all about stats
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
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