when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
my quiz for the book was only 2 questions and my one answer was sorry and then a sad face
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
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