Using pot as a way to stop crying probably isn't a good sign huh?
Meh, some people pop Prozac, you smoke weed. Po-tay-to. po-tah-to
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
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