Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
Randomize
