I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
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