why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
Randomize
