She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
All the doctor said was why
Randomize
