butt sex is not good for yourself don't do it
Thanks?
Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
My ass is underappreciated
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
