You're completely useless in the revolution.
Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
Randomize