I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
Canada is now making docos about life in America. Its called Trailer Park Boys.
So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
Randomize
