So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
Randomize
