Lost. The hour! Funtime!!!!
Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
Randomize
