Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
Just cropdusted the office
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
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