Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
Randomize
