i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
You litterally reached into some girls shirt, pulled out her tit and yelled whats up with this guy.
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
Randomize
