I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
I can't turn off my feet"
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
Randomize
