Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
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