ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
Randomize
