playing new game: drink everytime u see someone at the beach with a tramp stamp, double if u guess it before u see it, triple for male tramp stamps
warning: blackouts possible when playing in ocean city or anywhere in new jersey
you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
Randomize
