Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
Randomize
