if hell is full of stilettos, fake tans, bleached hair, overused make-up, drawn out s's and blatent bitchiness, then i'm in hell right now.
Lol welcome to greek life
I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
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