Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
Randomize
