Kareoke will never be a sober sport
You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
Randomize