I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
Randomize
