So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
Randomize
