Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
Randomize
