Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
I love you so must. You as do fraty. You are truly my veste breakable (ties I wtf racket Andover). Luce you. Have a safe drive bio dough failover.
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
Randomize
