why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
I just watched how this is made for an hour because I was tooo high to remember what they were making. it was like a prize at the end.
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
Randomize
