we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
Randomize
