So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
Randomize
