True but thats because hes a fetus.
I am good. I dancing. Drinking but dancing fine.
I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
Randomize
