I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
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