"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
Randomize
