First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
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You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
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