He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
Randomize
