My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
Randomize