how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
so how do you plan on seducing my econ TA?
by telling him that he has a large supply and that i demand it...in my mouth. it shows him that i'm slutty and that i pay attention in econ
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
Randomize
