I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
Randomize
