My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
i wish peter jackson would direct porn
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
Randomize
