Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
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