I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
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He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
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Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
you're hired as official boob wrangler
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
Randomize