ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
Randomize
