I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
Haha oh wow he'd be perfect. He's got everything MTV looks for in a real world cast member. Gay. Tool. From Methuen
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
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