apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
Randomize
