i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
Randomize
