It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
Randomize
