the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
Randomize
