I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
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