watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
We did like every position then did it again this morning. Something about him being the little boy i used to make sand castles with just made it way hotter.
well done
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
Randomize
