ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize
