Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
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