I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
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