woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
Are there any rules against fucking the hot TA?
Maybe for her....
Her problem, not mine
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
Randomize
