Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
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