my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
Randomize
