i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
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