Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
Randomize
