I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
well the blowjob for study guide exchange was a success.
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
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