There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
if it makes u feel better, i skipped class so i could go to a sex convention in jersey a few hours earlier than if i went to class.
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
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