My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
It's no shave November. This is our time.
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
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