yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
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