Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
Randomize
