he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
I was looking threw the photos on my phone. There is 8 different ones of us peeing on things.
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
Randomize
