There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
