my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
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