I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
Randomize
