he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
Randomize
