nosebleed girl is getting lots of praise
nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
Randomize
