The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
Laughlin, where retired strippers come to die.
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
I just forgot I was standing up.
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
Randomize
