yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
Randomize