If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
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