im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
Randomize
