He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
Randomize
