Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
Randomize
